One year!

Today is a milestone for me on a professional front: I have been at my current job for one year! A year ago today I nervously made the commute from PA to NJ. I had a bad cold and was anticipating a long but exciting day! With my breast pump packed, I made my way inside the building. Our decision for me to work full time was a challenging one and one that hasn't been without a fair amount of angst on my part. I interviewed when I was pregnant. I borrowed a nondescript grey suit from a family friend (I looked like a blob) and did my best. I remember flying home with my belly and saying, "Well little girl, if they offer it to me, I'll take it." And so we negotiated a start date of October, thinking that Seren would arrive in June.

When Seren started to arrive two months early, we realized our plans would change a bit. I needed to birth a child, learn to feed her, pack our apartment, move and then complete my MA. We did it so by the time October actually began, I felt quite accomplished!

People's response to our working/stay at home parent situation is always revealing to me. I have several colleagues who say, "Your husband stays home? Well, that is a win-win situation." I have met other folks who say, "I could never do that! No way! I'd be too jealous of my husband." Truth be told, I'm somewhere in the middle. It is a challenge but a good challenge. I get to do work that is important to me. I enjoy my colleagues. But I also miss being home more. I think this is normal and natural.

So, thinking about a year ago today made me cry a bit this morning. On one hand, I'm proud of our family. We have a non traditional set up that we have made work. Sam is an excellent father who has enjoyed being home with her immensely. The bond between them is amazing to watch! It is hard to visualize our lives being any other way. And I am a good colleague and a good mom. (Despite my constant internal thoughts that speak to the contrary!) On the other hand, I have missed first steps (but caught steps 3-4 later that afternoon) and hate saying goodbye to that sweet face every morning. I live with a lot of guilt.

The truth is that there is no 'perfect' situation. We all choose how we respond to certain situations. And in that response, we learn a great deal about what is really important to us. As my father always says when I worry that I have not done something well. "Did you do your best? That is all you can do."

Sam, Seren and I are doing our best on a daily basis.

Today I celebrate my one year of being a working mom(in the traditional, outside the home sense). However, I also recognize today that while I'm not home during the day, being a parent is a full time position- a position held in our family by two, dedicated, full time employees.

Why weekends are great

I love weekends. Who doesn't right? Being with Seren and Sam all weekend fills my heart right back up. During the week, Sam and I are often overwhelmed by work demands, a house that needs an incredible amount of work and the challenges that come with raising a very funny but not yet communicative (and therefore frustrated) little one. But this weekend had just the right balance of everything: friends, family and chores.

Sam and I purchased a 1952 Levittown home. It has become QUITE the source of activity. When we aren't spackling, we are painting. When we aren't painting, we are staining. The term "we" is loosely used. Since Sam is home all week with Seren, I really want to PLAY with her on the weekends. So Sam has had the bulk of the work on his shoulders. But I do my share during nap as well.

Anyway, this weekend we did some of that but we also played as a family! So that was fun! Saturday we went out to breakfast with friends and Seren did her fair share to entertain the entire diner by throwing toys and graham crackers. We then went home to my parents home to 'help' them move all of the furniture our of thier first floor so that they could get the floors re-done. But really, it was an excuse to enjoy the small town, eat well and giggle with my parents. I am continually amazed how much joy children bring to situations. Of course they have melt downs and get tired but I love how Seren is much more of a social butterfly now. Waving to passing cars, greeting strangers. Seren, Grammy and I took a little 'train' through the small town. Mom and I wondered if the little train would make it around the block. Seren smiled and waved to strangers. We had a grand time.

While we were there, we took one of our 'strolls' which consists of Seren slowly walking through neighborhood picking up seeds, stones, twigs. When we got home, Seren put the seeds to her mouth. I instructed, "No, Seren, that is food for the birds." She turns around, gets that look like she is computing the information, and feeds the plastic bird on one of her toys.

How do they put stuff like that together? I love it.

As my aunt put it, kids these age are like little robots. "Must compute information." They just store it all in. Seren found a cap that goes on a specific lotion bottle she has. The cap was in her bedroom, not in the bathroom. She picks it up, grunts, and walks off to the bathroom. She opened up the cabinet, put it back on the lotion and returned to the bedroom.

Sunday we did chores and got together with friends from work. One couple had a 2 year old and a 4 year old. Between the three of them, they were very 'busy'! This whole new phase of our lives- meeting parents, studying others' parenting styles and finding 'friends' with little ones is still new. I hardly know the parents but there I was playing with Jill and 'marching' around the kitchen playing my 'saxophone' which was a spoon! Seren LOVES big kids. They always wear her out but she loves 'talking' with them and watching how they do things.

Another friend at the party was pregnant. She watched the three of them with wide eyes. She kept saying, "I don't think I'm ready." Of course not. But they don't come out doing all of these things! That's the beauty of parenting- you warm up to it. You get to grow into being a parent.

I just really am enjoying this phase of Seren. I like to think I have and will enjoy all of the phases of growing up but this age is just really fun and cute. And her Daddy still makes my heart melt.

Trash talk

I'm not talking about what NBA players do on the court. I'm referring to the new word in our house. "Trash" Seren loves to talk about 'trash'. When we go on walks around our block, Seren points out all of the trash. Last week, we were strolling, just the two of us. We found a gum wrapper on the sidewalk. She looked at me, and yelled at it. "Trash!" I affirmed that. "Yup, Seren. It is trash." Thinking we'd move on, god knows how many pieces of trash we'd find, I encouraged her to keep walking. But nope, "trash!" was on the ground. (She says it with a lot of enthusiasm and emphasis on the 's'. As in "trassssh".)

Ok, ok. I'll pick up the trash. But that wasn't good enough. She had to HOLD the silver gum wrapper until we got home. All the while, she kept saying, "trash, trash, trash". This obsession hasn't quite let up. Dirty diapers? "Trash". Used Kleenex? Trash. She likes to watch us open up the trashcans and often helps us place the trash in its appropriate receptacle.

I'm so proud, my environmentalist!

Car trips

As any parent will tell you "traveling" has a whole new mean when you travel with little ones. This weekend we drove four hours to see my best friend and her family for her babies' first birthday. We were excited to see them. They make it easy when we are there- we share baby stuff and baby food. They are such good hosts and they set up a pack and play for Seren, etc. So it is a piece of cake when you get there.

It is just the getting there.

Seren has outgrown sleeping in the car.

We had her in the infant seat and rearfacing until she was 15 months at which point she really outgrew the seat. It used to be that she'd zonk out as soon as she got in her seat. But that is not true anymore.

In the eight hours of driving, four on Saturday and four on Sunday, Seren slept for 58 minutes total despite the fact that we were driving DURING nap time on Sunday. 23 minutes going up and 35 min on Sunday.

The rest of the time, I was the human muppet.

Most people who know me know that I am a muppet most of the time anyway. But as a parent, my tendency to sing and dance and act goofy is taken to a whole new level. The challenge is keeping it up. For about half of the trips, I pretended to be the voice of a koala bear puppet. Seren looked to just sit and chat with Koala. Which is fine and good. Except that Mom was getting just *slightly* tired of using my voice at such a high octave.

The other half of the trip, I was "Mom, the toy distributor". I had a big bag of specially selected toys. The more 'unusual' to Seren, the better. With each toy that emerged, I hoped to 'buy' five-ten minutes of entertainment. I got nervous when I looked down and saw that the bag was nearly empty. The last toy.

The ironic thing was that after all of this entertaining which included puppet voices, and singing, she slept like a rock during Monday. So much so that Sam had to rock her awake during an impromptu nap. She fell asleep in the car (maybe because I wasn't with her singing and dancing?), he carried her out of the car, up a flight of stairs, laid her on the floor, cleaned her room, got the camera, took a picture, and moved her legs and she was still asleep. After lunch, she proceeded to sleep another 3 hours.

Wonders never cease.

Anyone else's kids not sleep in the car anymore?

Seren turns 17 months

Seren turned 17 months yesterday. On the fourth of each month, when I go into her room in the morning, I sing her happy birthday. I just can't get over where the time goes! Our babies are quickly becoming children. I swear, as soon as they can walk and wear shoes, I feel like kindergarten is right around the corner!

Seren hasn't really been doing too much talking. Well, talking in English. The child gives us oral dissertations on a daily basis. We just don't understand it yet. This worries me. But she does say a few words and many sounds of animals so I know it is coming. Some words are just odd to know. For example, trash, squash, backpack, and toast. I love when Seren learns a new word. Still, as a mom of a preemie, I still have that 'what if' in the back of my mind. Perhaps ALL parents have that feeling. I am always waiting for something to be wrong. Sam thinks I'm insane. We are very blessed but I think it is impossible not to worry about your children. It starts the second you find out that you are pregnant! My mom assures me it keeps up for the rest of the child's life.

Our camera is back! So we have lots of old photos from September to share. Here are three from our trip to the zoo. Seren's favorite animal? The prairie dog. The prairie dog!? Well, for one, it was actually close so she could see it. And it moved! When she learned the name of the animal, she started to 'woof'.

One unique way to waste $10.00

This week I have been troubled by horrible ear pain. Ear pain? Who gets ear pain? I have a pretty high tolerance for pain but I found myself not able to sleep on one side of my head. I was feeling dizzy. And my ear was swollen and red. I described my symptoms to my colleague who instantly diagnosed me: ear infection. Great. An ear infection. So I call my doctor for an appointment. The earliest they could see me was Tuesday at 5 pm.

All day long I worried about my hot, red, aching, painful ear! At 3 yesterday, the pressure was unbelievable! Then, I felt a burst of pressure. Blood and pus were in my ear. What the hell!? I instantly start to google 'burst eardrum'. I read all about infections and fluids and blood and pus.

By 5 pm, I couldn't wait to get some good strong meds and start feeling better. I describe this all to the patient, young physcian's assistant. She thinks I have, in fact, burst my eardrum. She looks inside the good ear. Mumbles a bit. Then looks inside the 'bad' ear. For a long time.

Her assessment?

A zit.

A zit!? No way! I haven't been able to hear for two days!? I couldn't sleep on that side on my head! Could you check again? I'm 30! I still get acne (thanks dad) but a pimple INSIDE my ear canal??

Apparently all of that pressure can lead to the same feelings as an ear infection. She DID say, (perhaps to make me feel less foolish) "It looks pretty big and painful."

So to recap, I left work early, wasted a lot of nervous energy and generally freaked myself out. And for what?

A ten dollar zit.

September pics

Our camera is STILL MIA but we got some great pics from our father in law, Bill. These were taken two weeks ago when Seren had a major head cold. Still, I couldn't resist putting them up. Some pics of her swinging, resting and being a complete ham after bath one night.












More soon...