I had a lot of contractions last night and this morning as well. They aren't painful so that is really good. They are just annoying because they remind me that while I am 1 day away from 34 weeks, my body is still getting ready for the big day. I am going to the doctors for a routine check up in a few minutes and hope that all goes well. I'm anxious this morning which probably ups the contractions. Mind over body. Or something like that!
More soon!
Fingers crossed that my uterus just CHILLLS OUT!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Natural Birthing
When we were pregnant with Seren, we read and read and read. Ina May's natural guide to childbirth was well flipped through. I thought I was ready. I visualized. I meditated.
With Seren, I went to a grand total of ONE birth class. Sam went to three classes- he attended two more while I was in the hospital- taking diligent notes and filling me in. But, like most of us, even despite my reading, I still felt totally unprepared. "What exactly do I "do" when they say to push?" One classic memory of the quick and intense labor was Sam saying with pride in his voice, "I just learned this tonight in class! Just tonight!"
The birth itself was beautiful and natural. It was quick. My one regret is not feeling her emerge. The doctor asked if I wanted to feel her head. I said no. I was WORKING. I just remember thinking, "Nope. No stopping to have an emotional moment. I am workin' here. Let me birth my child." (But I do regret that since there are few times in life you are so close to a miracle!) My water broke at 1:15 am at home which was awesome after 3 weeks in the hospital and Seren was born at 4:45 am. I remember the doctor yelling out "4:45" and thinking, "What the hell? Like we want to know the time!? I'm busy over here!"
Oh right, the time of BIRTH. Right. I guess that IS good to know!
I was so grateful that I was able to deliver naturally with no drugs. This was very important to me.
However, after the birth, I had to deliver the placenta. Since Seren arrived early, the placenta was "stuck". The doc gave it a tug and sprayed blood all over him and his glasses. I distinctly remember that. He also then looked at me and said, "That was stupid. I should have not done that." So we waited and waited. Nothing. Meanwhile, Seren had been whisked to the NICU. So I had to go into surgery to have the placenta removed. I remember saying, "PLEASE! Don't cut me!" I was so confused, tired, exhausted, I feared that after all that WORK that they would have to cut it out. Hey, cut me some slack, I had just been through a long ordeal.
I love birth stories beacuse every single one is unique. And how we respond to experiences is shaped but what we wanted going into the experience. One day I will tell the full birth story here. And I'll surely tell my son's birth story here. But all of this pre-term labor, if anything, helps you realize that yes, you will be in labor again. Despite my best laid plans, we had to cancel our birth class this time as well due to bedrest. And I'm nervous that I should do or read SOMETHING about breathing through contractions, etc. Will I remember what the heck to do? Will I have ANY strength in my muscles after all of these weeks sitting on my tush to actually BIRTH a human?
And to be honest, while I LOVED the natural birth, and relived it many, many times, in my mind, I can't say I'm all about signing myself up for that again. It freaking hurts! If I am given the chance to do it again, I need to do much more meditating and visualizing. The past 5 weeks, I keep thinking about keeping the baby IN, it is going to be hard to switch gears and think about "opening", "surrendering" and "letting go".
I suppose truth be told and fears aside about the physical pain, I'd still love to give birth vaginally. I'd certainly love for him not to be in the NICU. So that I can just HOLD him right after the birth and not "share" him with NICU docs and nurses.
I guess, really, with this pregnancy, like all pregnancies, I know that anything can happen and we can't control the situation at all. Like parenting, you are (mostly) unprepared but you do your best, you learn, and you just hold on for the ride.
Friends, I'm still holding on.
With Seren, I went to a grand total of ONE birth class. Sam went to three classes- he attended two more while I was in the hospital- taking diligent notes and filling me in. But, like most of us, even despite my reading, I still felt totally unprepared. "What exactly do I "do" when they say to push?" One classic memory of the quick and intense labor was Sam saying with pride in his voice, "I just learned this tonight in class! Just tonight!"
The birth itself was beautiful and natural. It was quick. My one regret is not feeling her emerge. The doctor asked if I wanted to feel her head. I said no. I was WORKING. I just remember thinking, "Nope. No stopping to have an emotional moment. I am workin' here. Let me birth my child." (But I do regret that since there are few times in life you are so close to a miracle!) My water broke at 1:15 am at home which was awesome after 3 weeks in the hospital and Seren was born at 4:45 am. I remember the doctor yelling out "4:45" and thinking, "What the hell? Like we want to know the time!? I'm busy over here!"
Oh right, the time of BIRTH. Right. I guess that IS good to know!
I was so grateful that I was able to deliver naturally with no drugs. This was very important to me.
However, after the birth, I had to deliver the placenta. Since Seren arrived early, the placenta was "stuck". The doc gave it a tug and sprayed blood all over him and his glasses. I distinctly remember that. He also then looked at me and said, "That was stupid. I should have not done that." So we waited and waited. Nothing. Meanwhile, Seren had been whisked to the NICU. So I had to go into surgery to have the placenta removed. I remember saying, "PLEASE! Don't cut me!" I was so confused, tired, exhausted, I feared that after all that WORK that they would have to cut it out. Hey, cut me some slack, I had just been through a long ordeal.
I love birth stories beacuse every single one is unique. And how we respond to experiences is shaped but what we wanted going into the experience. One day I will tell the full birth story here. And I'll surely tell my son's birth story here. But all of this pre-term labor, if anything, helps you realize that yes, you will be in labor again. Despite my best laid plans, we had to cancel our birth class this time as well due to bedrest. And I'm nervous that I should do or read SOMETHING about breathing through contractions, etc. Will I remember what the heck to do? Will I have ANY strength in my muscles after all of these weeks sitting on my tush to actually BIRTH a human?
And to be honest, while I LOVED the natural birth, and relived it many, many times, in my mind, I can't say I'm all about signing myself up for that again. It freaking hurts! If I am given the chance to do it again, I need to do much more meditating and visualizing. The past 5 weeks, I keep thinking about keeping the baby IN, it is going to be hard to switch gears and think about "opening", "surrendering" and "letting go".
I suppose truth be told and fears aside about the physical pain, I'd still love to give birth vaginally. I'd certainly love for him not to be in the NICU. So that I can just HOLD him right after the birth and not "share" him with NICU docs and nurses.
I guess, really, with this pregnancy, like all pregnancies, I know that anything can happen and we can't control the situation at all. Like parenting, you are (mostly) unprepared but you do your best, you learn, and you just hold on for the ride.
Friends, I'm still holding on.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Belly pic and more aspirations
Readers may remember Seren's desire to be a moose when she grows up.
Well, apparently she is going to be a coffee-drinking moose. She announced yesterday, as I stirred my fresh coffee,
"Momma, when I get big, I'm going to drink coffee. When I'm 20. I'll drink coffee when I am 20."
The thought of my two year old on caffeine is enough to send me running to the hills. Fortunately, I apparently have 18 years to wait.
Seren continues to be VERY excited for "baby broder". She offers that he could sleep next to her on her bed. And that he could sit "right here" in the tub with her. Last night I demonstrated how weak a baby's head muscles are. She thought that was fascinating. We are trying to be realistic with her about how little he will be and how he WON'T be able to play...yet.
Here is a picture of me taken on Friday. 32 weeks baby, 32!
Friday, October 10, 2008
Hopeful!
Today, as soon as I opened my eyes, I smiled! We made it to week 32! I am so freaking happy this morning!
Each week brings so much developmental growth to the wee one.
Today feels like a huge milestone to me! The doctor yesterday said that they would let me "move a bit" at week 34. That was encouraging too. All looked good. I've gained 31 pounds, blood pressure is good. I feel good (mostly).
When I was pregnant with Seren, at week 32, I was dialted to 3-4 cm so since I'm nice and closed, I am actuallly ahead of the game! My dad pointed this out to me last night and I'm so glad he did.
I also now feel hopeful that we will birth a healthy baby. I have found myself being pretty pessimistic (realistic?) saying to friends, "Well, when I come back to work depends, a little, on how sick he is." While I am a believer in positive thinking, I haven't had much of it recently. I'm just trying to prepare my heart. But really, he MAY be healthy. I am going to make more of an effort to assume that he is FINE. I think the craziest thing about bedrest is the mental games you play with yourself.
I also am feeling good today because I got to see some friends at work yesterday. My long commute rarely brings me pleasure but driving up to the office building (ok, my mom drove), it felt like life was still normal. And seeing people was great. Really great.
**I was going to post this Friday but forgot. I took a belly shot but haven't been able to download it. Oops!
Each week brings so much developmental growth to the wee one.
Today feels like a huge milestone to me! The doctor yesterday said that they would let me "move a bit" at week 34. That was encouraging too. All looked good. I've gained 31 pounds, blood pressure is good. I feel good (mostly).
When I was pregnant with Seren, at week 32, I was dialted to 3-4 cm so since I'm nice and closed, I am actuallly ahead of the game! My dad pointed this out to me last night and I'm so glad he did.
I also now feel hopeful that we will birth a healthy baby. I have found myself being pretty pessimistic (realistic?) saying to friends, "Well, when I come back to work depends, a little, on how sick he is." While I am a believer in positive thinking, I haven't had much of it recently. I'm just trying to prepare my heart. But really, he MAY be healthy. I am going to make more of an effort to assume that he is FINE. I think the craziest thing about bedrest is the mental games you play with yourself.
I also am feeling good today because I got to see some friends at work yesterday. My long commute rarely brings me pleasure but driving up to the office building (ok, my mom drove), it felt like life was still normal. And seeing people was great. Really great.
**I was going to post this Friday but forgot. I took a belly shot but haven't been able to download it. Oops!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Gymnastics
Today is Seren's second week in a local gymnastics class! Despite the truly frightening pictures of little girls in tight leotards and tight ponytails that were posted on the gym's website, we couldn't resist. Seren loves tumbling and we haven't taken her to a gym class yet. She also is incredibly flexible. I was like this too for a long, long time. I still am. (Ok, not while on bedrest and carrying around 30 extra pounds, but in general, I'm limber). She can't stop talking about gymnastics. We put her in toddler yoga pants today which she says are her "gymnastics pants".
I'm sure you'd agree that anyone that can do this should be in some sort of dance/gymnastics class.
I love that she is at the age that she really can get "into" these activities! Wish I could see all of the fun for myself!
Monday, October 6, 2008
Visit Number Two
Anyone want to place any bets on how many more visits I make to the hospital before this child arrives?
I have to say that writing today, I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I am so grateful to be home that I could cheer but this emotional roller coaster is so tiring. I want to meet my son, but I don't. Not yet. And last night I was up from 2 am until 5 am panicked about it all!
Friday night Seren went to visit her grandparents so Sam and I could just chill together. It was very relaxing and very nice. We brought in Indian food and watched a totally silly, romantic comedy. Perfect! Saturday they had some adventures while I played on the Internet here at home. By 4:15 pm, I was getting some serious contractions. Every ten minutes. I had to breathe and cry through some of them.
After the 4th or 5th one, I called the doctor and Sam picked up our packed bag. Seren was just getting up from her nap and we drove the 30 minutes to the hospital. Seren was a superstar. I think kids really have a sense when something isn't quite right. She insisted on holding my hand the entire ride. "You ok, mom. I hold your hand." It was amazing. I have to say that having her there with me made all of the difference.
Once admitted, I continued to have contractions every ten minutes for about 8 hours. It was insane. They lessened in intensity as the drugs took effect. So that was good. I wasn't placed on magnesium this time because I was already on nipedifine and the combination isn't advised. I was given two shots of terbuline (sp?). They can give you a shot every 20 minutes to make the contractions stop. I (thankfully) only had to take two shots- one in each arm.
I was also given steroids for the baby's lungs. This brings me much relief. They can't do if if your waters break, so now I'm all set. The shots are proven to be really effective.
It was so odd being back. "Oh hi, lab tech! Oh hi, cute hospital volunteer! How are you guys?" The nurses and doctors were amazing.
But it is rough. I got four shots, three lab draws, and no food. Plus, ya know, contractions. I hadn't eaten since 1 pm when we had lunch and only had broth between 1 pm Saturday and 8 am Sunday. I'm pregnant! Hook a girl up! They released my liquid diet.
The bottom line is this: no change in my cervix. No dilation. Keep taking the meds. Come to the office for another check. The contractions, while painful and strong, aren't being effective in changing my cervix. The doctors think the progesterone shots help. So yeah! My parents were able to stay at our home Saturday night while Sam stayed with me. Then the whole team visited me Sunday before they went to visit the farm. They also picked me up and brought me home after I got discharged at 8:30 on Sunday night. They have been so good. Everyone has. We are pulling together like we always do.
But I'm left feeling emotionally bruised. Is THIS the last time I'm home? Will they keep me THIS time? Am I going to have the baby today? What do we do about Seren? Are we ready for this? Will he be in the NICU? For how long? How will he fair? I feel that part of the joy is being taken away but all of this "threatened and aggressive pre-term labor." I have a few more milestones I want to meet. Week 32 is Friday. Then I'd like to see 34. And then, if I dare to hope, 36. God's got a plan, I just gotta go with it! And despite my complaining (which is really therapeutic for me, check is in the mail, readers) we are like real troopers. I am proud of us and I am very blessed that we got this far. I breathe a sigh of relief. My friends and family have been awesome as well.
I even liked seeing my cats last night. (For those of you who don't know me in real life, this is a HUGE statement as the cats and I have, at best, a love-hate relationship).
Man, our family knows how to PAAARTY on weekends, don't we? I promise, my next post will be more uplifting! More picture of Piglet or something. :)
I have to say that writing today, I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I am so grateful to be home that I could cheer but this emotional roller coaster is so tiring. I want to meet my son, but I don't. Not yet. And last night I was up from 2 am until 5 am panicked about it all!
Friday night Seren went to visit her grandparents so Sam and I could just chill together. It was very relaxing and very nice. We brought in Indian food and watched a totally silly, romantic comedy. Perfect! Saturday they had some adventures while I played on the Internet here at home. By 4:15 pm, I was getting some serious contractions. Every ten minutes. I had to breathe and cry through some of them.
After the 4th or 5th one, I called the doctor and Sam picked up our packed bag. Seren was just getting up from her nap and we drove the 30 minutes to the hospital. Seren was a superstar. I think kids really have a sense when something isn't quite right. She insisted on holding my hand the entire ride. "You ok, mom. I hold your hand." It was amazing. I have to say that having her there with me made all of the difference.
Once admitted, I continued to have contractions every ten minutes for about 8 hours. It was insane. They lessened in intensity as the drugs took effect. So that was good. I wasn't placed on magnesium this time because I was already on nipedifine and the combination isn't advised. I was given two shots of terbuline (sp?). They can give you a shot every 20 minutes to make the contractions stop. I (thankfully) only had to take two shots- one in each arm.
I was also given steroids for the baby's lungs. This brings me much relief. They can't do if if your waters break, so now I'm all set. The shots are proven to be really effective.
It was so odd being back. "Oh hi, lab tech! Oh hi, cute hospital volunteer! How are you guys?" The nurses and doctors were amazing.
But it is rough. I got four shots, three lab draws, and no food. Plus, ya know, contractions. I hadn't eaten since 1 pm when we had lunch and only had broth between 1 pm Saturday and 8 am Sunday. I'm pregnant! Hook a girl up! They released my liquid diet.
The bottom line is this: no change in my cervix. No dilation. Keep taking the meds. Come to the office for another check. The contractions, while painful and strong, aren't being effective in changing my cervix. The doctors think the progesterone shots help. So yeah! My parents were able to stay at our home Saturday night while Sam stayed with me. Then the whole team visited me Sunday before they went to visit the farm. They also picked me up and brought me home after I got discharged at 8:30 on Sunday night. They have been so good. Everyone has. We are pulling together like we always do.
But I'm left feeling emotionally bruised. Is THIS the last time I'm home? Will they keep me THIS time? Am I going to have the baby today? What do we do about Seren? Are we ready for this? Will he be in the NICU? For how long? How will he fair? I feel that part of the joy is being taken away but all of this "threatened and aggressive pre-term labor." I have a few more milestones I want to meet. Week 32 is Friday. Then I'd like to see 34. And then, if I dare to hope, 36. God's got a plan, I just gotta go with it! And despite my complaining (which is really therapeutic for me, check is in the mail, readers) we are like real troopers. I am proud of us and I am very blessed that we got this far. I breathe a sigh of relief. My friends and family have been awesome as well.
I even liked seeing my cats last night. (For those of you who don't know me in real life, this is a HUGE statement as the cats and I have, at best, a love-hate relationship).
Man, our family knows how to PAAARTY on weekends, don't we? I promise, my next post will be more uplifting! More picture of Piglet or something. :)
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Now he has seen everything
As an OBGYN, I'm sure he has seen it all. Women who aren't in their best moments. Sweating women. Crying women. Blood. Tears. Vomit.
Stressed out fathers. And so much more.
But he smiled when he saw my belly.
Last Friday, Seren, Sam and I went to the OBGYN for a visit and an exam. We chatted about bed rest. We chatted about our lives, our kids. He lifted up my shirt to measure my belly.
On my belly was a little surprise.
A Piglet and Pooh Sticker!
Seren LOVES stickers. She gives MANY to baby brother. Most of the time, they end up on my shirt. Sometimes on my skin.
So there I was with a Piglet and Pooh sticker on my big pregnant belly.
He laughed, looked at Seren and said, "How did this get here?"
"It is for baby broder!"
Classic.
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