Unsettled

While we had a fabulous long weekend of fun, beach days, trips to the orchard, time with friends, time with my parents, this 'short' week has felt incredibly long.

I feel totally unsettled these days. Some of it has to do with the weather. The earthquake, the hurricane, the possible tornado warnings and now more and more rain which has led to massive flooding has left me feeling a bit down. Combine that with home renovation, the anniversary of 9/11, the fact that there is a new terriosist 'threat' and the start of kindergarten, and I just feel like nothing is really 'the way it is supposed to be'. A bit of the 'unsure' feeling that no one likes.

Did I mentioned it has rain like 10 inches of rain in Philly in the last week? Not an exaggeration!

Kindergarten continues to go 'ok'. I had low expectations. And I guess it is living up to them. I feel a sense of not providing for her in the best way I can. It is hard when I see amazing pictures of stimulating classrooms. And I know that there is better out there. MUCH better. Loving teachers. Classrooms full of books and animals. Where a kids' mind can just EXPLODE with excitement. Her preschool was like that. That is why we chose it. And now we just aren't seeing that. At least not yet.

I have to remain open minded. But I am not a fan. The kindergarten teacher, during orientation, stood in front of a huge group of excited, nervous, adorable 5 year olds and didn't address them. Seriously? I would have said "HELLO KINDERGARTENERS! WELCOME! DO WE HAVE A YEAR FOR YOU!" Nothing. Not so much as a nodd to the kids! I know the meeting was for us but she seemed burnt out and exhausted at the START of the year.

And there is no communication what so ever. No weekly bulletins. No daily check ins at pick up. Nothing. We can't figure out if the lame coloring picture in her folder is 'homework' or not? And we were told to buy 3 folders for the year only to have them returned to us. Does she need them? When you have to rely on a 5 year olds 'take' on everything, we are left with a lot of question marks. Seren insists that they will never have recess. And with a short day, that could be true. But who knows? We have no sense of the schedule either. Are we to wear gym shoes every day? When do we pack the art smock? Ya know? These are stupid frustrations but for parents like us who WANT to know how everything is going, we feel a total and utter void.

I hope that the classroom preparation has improved because when I visited nothing was up. Not thier names on thier cubbies. Nothing. I saw about 15 books. I have spent over two years in kindergarten and first grade classrooms for my work. I have a pretty good idea what a classroom should contain and I have to say that it is bare bare bones.

BUT! She loves it! I mean, she is excited about everything! MOM! We have gym here! MOM! We get to have show and tell just like at Breezy Point! Mom! There are five boys. Two boys sit at my table. And I made two new friends! Mom! I learned a song. SO...she is happy.

She loves it. We are TRYING to love it and be open to an amazing year. But see?

Unsettled. I'll shut up. We are privleged to have a school to attend. We are lucky that WE care so much about this. And Seren loves it. Which is really all that matters. We have to let go. This is all about loosing control of things. And I need to be ok with that. It is all a process. It will evenutally stop raining. The house will one day be put back together. And for goodness sakes, we are an amazing family.

It is just that sense of 'blahs' that are haunting me.

The exciting news is that I leave to spend time with great friends and an amazing brother. I leave tomorrow. I'm so lucky to have amazing people in my life. Really? What do I have to complain about.