Thursday, July 10, 2008

Times are a' changin

I haven't been in a blogging mood. Well, that isn't true. I haven't found the time to blog. That is really the deal. We are adjusting to having Sam work. All of us. And we haven't even placed Seren in her child care situation yet! That will be Monday. The last two weeks have left me feeling a bit...dull? Burned out? We are having fun and Grammy Camp, as I call it, has been awesome! I have been spoiled by arriving home to my mom who has already started dinner. What a treat! And Sam, despite the fact that we anticipate him working until 9 each night, has been home at 7:30 at the latest. So that is good too- he misses Seren. And I think he has a renewed sense of how I felt all along. Kids are such amazing little people- it is hard to be away from them.

But as we have worked through new schedules and new expectations, I find myself a bit introspective. Questioning how this new little boy will fit into it all. How *I* fit into it all. I know that when Baby v 2.0 arrives, our lives will turn upside down. Again. And I can't wait to hold that lump of love! And kiss him. But man, is it ever intimidating to be looking at all of that change from the outside.

I find myself craving alone time. Time to create. Time to write. Time to do anything else other than work and follow the routine. I have always missed my girl friends. I crave the openness and wonderful times that are created when women friends all get together. There is something magical about that. My good friends are now all over the country. Getting "the group" together requires cooperating husbands, well rested, healthy children, airline tickets, cash flow, and free schedules. It just seems like a lifetime ago when getting together was as easy as picking which dinning hall to eat at during lunch or meeting at the local restaurant/pub after work.

But that is all part of just being an adult. I have a younger friend, she is 23, and my friend on facebook. (facebook is a subject of yet another post). She has an photo album called, "My life as an adult." Newly minted from college, she is an adult. This is true. But lord the life of a 23 year old seems like a long time ago! I feel like the older I get, the more I see myself sinking into the boring type of adult. I don't want to be boring!

Maybe I should pierce something. That would help. Should I finally pierce my nose? I don't know if I have a good nose.

But the more exciting news is that I feel the little man shaking and moving in his womb. So awesome! I remember missing that feeling after Seren was born. And people at work are getting more brave about asking me if I'm expecting. Sometimes, they don't ask but ask something more vague like, "How is your family?" I then share our news. You can almost see the look of relief come across their faces. "Whew, I noticed her ass getting bigger. Good thing she is pregnant. Now I don't have to pretend I don't know."

It is both wonderful and slightly embarrassing to have one's body be part of public discourse.

Being pregnant is so wonderful and such a blessing. However both of my pregnancies have brought many shifting hormones (read: moods). As I said to Sam the other night, "Just hold on tight, honey. Get ready for the ride!"

The times, they are a' changin.


LauraC said...

I have struggled with a lot of these same feelings. It seems like there's never enough time in the day for everyone, and I usually end up last on the list. I often feel boring but then I realize that the boys are not going to need SO MUCH of my time soon... and I'll be able to get back to the fabulous Laura I want to be. For now, my mommy role has to take priority.

It's really hard when both parents work. It's really hard when one stays at home. You just have to slowly find your way and figure things out.

PS. Yay for feeling baby move!

Laura S said...

Sorry it has been an exhausting transition. Pretty soon it will be "normal", but I can understand it is bumpy for now. Also, don't worry about being "boring", are you bored? Do you have time to be? You are a fabulous person with adult responsbilities. My life may seem boring to an ousider, but when Joshua repeats a new word to me, I am on cloud nine!

I miss girlfriend time with you too.