Sunday, February 22, 2009

Yet Another Transition

The first week of March marks my return to work.

And my heart aches.

Looking at Wyeth too long causes my heart to break into little itty bits and tears to fall. I cry at the drop of the hat. I feel like this is the "last week".

Part of me will welcome a few less diapers. A bit more adult conversation. A little bit more time in the car without singing the wheels on the bus.

But only part of it. A bigger part mournes the loss of time with my wee ones who will be wee for only so long. A part of me curses the fact that child care cost too

much. That our home and lifestyle costs what it does. That by 12 weeks us moms are supposed to be ok with the whole return (physically and mentally). The rat race calls.

I don't know, it is all so complicated. Books have been written. Stay at home moms vs. working moms. And there are pros and cons to each side!

I'm just really struggling to figure out how I feel. How am I to feel about the last 12 weeks? Can I even begin to summarize it? How will I feel when I return? I am full of the unknown and that scares me.

I don't like transitions. Nope. And life is full of 'em. :)

Can you blame me? Look at this little face! I'm leaving this little face!?

Thursday, February 19, 2009

La Leche League would be proud...

My Seren, my daughter, my hero. She has learned to not only breastfeed her dollies but also to express breastmilk via her "pump".

Seren may enjoy pumping but I am NOT looking forward to lugging that beast back and forth to the office. The things we do!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

New Vocabulary

We have been learning a few new words recently:

Coping- We seem to be coping better as a family of four. The first two weeks, I ran on adeneline and smiled from ear to ear. Then I got tired. And Christmas happened. So weeks 3-7 were rough. But now we have a bit of a routine. We are hanging in there. I am used to this no structure, no control of my life thing. We go to music class, go to museums, do playdoh, see friends, have fun. So we are coping much better.

Sleeping- Wyeth now has been sleeping from around 10:30 until 4:30. Yahoo! Now, of course, having just typed that, he will return to his waking every two hours. But it makes a world of difference!

Laryngomalacia- This is the newest word in my vocabulary. We went to the doctor's yesterday for Wyeth's two month appointment. She came into the room, asked me if Wyeth "always breathed like that" and when I responded possively, she immediately said, "That's not normal." Hmm. So now we go to CHOP (Children's Hospital of Pennsylvania) for two tests to see if he does have laryngomalacia. It is a very common issue in which the larynx isn't fully mature. Most children outgrow it. I just thought Wyeth was noisy! He may get worse (louder) before he gets better. It also could be a vascular ring which has more challenging implications. We'll know for sure in about 4 weeks. For now, Wyeth is just a noisy, happy, chubby baby. (He weighed 13.12 oz) In other news, he tried his first bottle of expressed breastmilk and loved it. So that is a relief.

End of Maternity Leave: (Ok, so it isn't a word but a phrase) I will return to work the first week of March which is already haunting me. I am grateful to have a job to return to but I am deeply saddened by this already. I will work part time which will help and I am already coming up with ways that will help me cope with the transition back to 9-5 work.

Some recent pics:

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Wyeth is Two months old!

Today Wyeth turned two months old! He remains a complete joy. He is a very, very active baby. He spent an entire hour under his play mat kicking up a storm. I only removed him because I thought he needed a change of scenery! This boy is on the move! I fear, no make that, dread, the toddler years if his early weeks are any indication of the action that is to come.

He also is a complete joy- smiling broadly in the morning right when he wakes up. We eat these smiles up! Despite my best attempts, I haven't really succeeded in capturing his smile on film. Today I got some good shots- we'll have to see.

He has no real consistent pattern/schedule. He still goes to bed late- nursing and chilling until 10 or 11pm. He went to bed as late as 1:30 am one night and the earliest he has turned in was 9:15. He parties like a rock star- waking up to eat every 2-3 hours. I made the mistake of reading what was "normal". Note to self: Don't do that. There is no "normal" there is just a wide range. "Normal" babies who are 11 lbs sleep- waking only once to eat. (!)

So far he isn't a big fan of carriers- preferring to see the world. This makes having two free hands a major daily goal of mine.

He has started to "coo" and chat! My smiling, chubby, chatting boy!

I predict he will be a thumb sucker as he has found his fingers and LOVES to suck on them.

Unlike his sister (in many, many ways) he has very little hair. He has the monk thing going on where he rubbed his hair away. He also has no eyebrow hair. (This is a very Hague attribute- my side of the family).

Happy two months Wyeth! I already can't remember my life without you in it! Mr. Blue Eyes, we love you!!

Sunday, February 1, 2009


Seren is very particular about most things. Which pant leg she puts on first. Which pjs she should wear to bed. Which medication she wants to take and when. "No, the puffer goes AFTER the nose drops." And so it goes. And god forbid you help her. Or help her do things in the wrong order.

She recently has been obsessed abuout what breakfast item she wants to eat first. "Mom! I have to have my toast first and then my cereal. Are you having your toast first, mom?"

"Yup. Toast is first for me today, Seren."

Wyeth was breastfeeding as I was eating my toast. She looked at him and said, "Mom, is Wyeth having the toast boob first or the cereal boob first?"

Hmm. The toast boob. :)

Sleep? Good mood. No sleep? Bad mood

That pretty much sums up my day to day existance. Two nights ago Wyeth treated me to 4 hours of straight sleep. Four hours! Awesome! And then followed that up with 3 hours of sleep. When I woke up, I decided I could do anything! I loved my family. I have friends and I love them! I could clean gutters on top of a ladder today, I thought to myself! Obama should hire me! I have ideas! I have energy!!

We didn't spend the day cleaning out the gutters but instead I took myself and the two kids to Grammy and Poppy's house for some fun. (Dad had to work) But the point was, I felt GOOD. I felt alive. I was weepy with the thought of returning to work and leaving all of the FUN behind. I had even done yoga the day before. I am a good mom!

Today? Energy? Not so much. Wyeth returned to his waking every two hours. I have no idea what we are doing wrong. Is he too hot? Too bundled? Not bundled enough? Constipated? After a night of a "bad" sleep, I think of 101 theories of why he isn't sleeping well. He is certainly BIG enough. Does he really NEED all of that milk? THAT frequently?

So after last night, my goals are not so lofty. No tackling the issues of world peace. I will feel accomplished if I tackle the dishes!! And so it goes in the world of parenting little ones.