Weekend in Review

As my previous entry will attest, I was in a total funk all of last week. I couldn't even handle myself! Yuck.

The weekend was a great change of pace. Saturday morning I got up with the kids while Sam slept in. We had a good time playing. It was sunny out and everything felt great! Sam went grocery shopping early in the morning while I played with the wee ones.

Then we all went to an Earth Day celebration. They had a huge red-tailed Hawk there named Grace.


It was awesome. Seren kept referring to the bird as a Parrot. Seriously!?

We played on the playground in the beautiful sun. This consists of mainly trying to keep Wyeth alive and away from the wood chips on one hand and encouraging Seren that she doesn't REALLY need our help to do x, y, and z on the other hand. She is so frightened of so many things these days. We walk a fine line between acknowledging her limitations (real or perceived) and pushing her to push her own boundaries. She is always so proud of herself when she accomplishes something great.

We met our friends up for lunch at our house. They are much younger than us and don't have children. When they left Seren asked me, "So why didn't Matt and Jen bring their baby?" Which cracked me up for several reasons. One, her comment made it sound like they left it behind and two, not EVERYONE has children. I explained this to her.

They went down for naps and I cleaned like a crazy nut! Seren seems to be napping every other day the past few days. Who knows? When she doesn't nap, she is WRECKED. When she does nap, she is in a good mood but can be hyper! Since age 1, she has tugged on her ear when she is tired. Everyone who knows Seren knows that this is the sign. She informed me the other day, "I just tug on my ear like this sometimes. It doesn't mean I'm tired." Ya right, kiddo. Then she noted, "Mom? Why do people get tired when they tug on their ears?"

That mind of hers keeps on trucking.

After nap, an old elementary school friend that I recently connected with on Facebook came over! She and her husband, Jeff and their sweet 6 month old. We had a QUICK dinner. They arrived at 5 and were out the door by 7 to try to get their wee one down. But it was fun to play and eat and drink wine. Our kids really enjoy having guests and both were really well behaved at the table and during both of our visits.

Sunday was rain, rain, rain. And some chores. But I did manage two 'dates'; one with each kid. Wyeth took Daddy grocery shopping. And I took Seren on a little Mommy-daughter date. I took her to a McDonalds play place. Which was a HUGE treat. She wanted an apple juice so with 1.00 and a "free egg mcmuffin" coupon, she was a cheap date!

But I was sad to watch her play. The play structure was HUGE and she was terrified of it. She would try to climb up but her fears got in the way. So she would return right back down. And she would bounce around and look at the other kids. She was smiling and dancing to the music. She sat down at the bottom of the slide and waited for other kids to come down. Her own fears wouldn't let her REALLY do what she wanted to do. How often is that the case in life? Something holds us back from doing what we WANT to do?

In time, in time.

Later, after nap, I had a little walk with Wyeth. This was not a rushed walk. But just time to hold his tiny little hand in mine and watch him explore the world. We each had a stick. I would tap mine on the ground. And he would tap. Tap. Tap. Then he liked the idea of hitting the dandelions that are growing all over. So with his stick, he would hit them, machete like. And I would follow. This brought him great, great joy. Tap. Tap. Hit. Hit. And I just loved watching him. Loved watching his little face. Toddlers make us slow down. And see ants on petals. And cracks in side walks. And clovers.

It was a good date.

And this weekend, after a long time, my HUSBAND and I will go on a date! Yahoo! The last one we had was in October so this will be GREAT! My mom and dad return home for a month long stay in Colorado. The great news is that my brother is feeling better than expected after back surgery! Yeah all around!

Wanting More

Lately I go to bed wanting more. I want more joy. I want more laughter. I want more quiet. I want to do more. I want more community.

Is that wrong?

Is it ok to ask God, the universe, etc for MORE when I already am SO blessed? I have a loving husband, two healthy kids, family and friends that love me, a great job. So what is my deal? Why can't I see these as the huge blessings that they are? We are a culture of "more" and "right now". Americans want 'things' and crave instant satisfaction. Maybe I'm just falling into that trap.

I don't want to miss out on the joy that is right around me! For example: my son's ability to laugh at so many things. Last night, I watched as Sam placed a clean from the laundry sheet over his head. When Sam pulled it off, he errupted into fits of laughter.

I try to BE in these moments, to cherish these moments. I think, by and large, I do see my blessings. But there is a part of me that goes to bed thinking that I'm not living my life boldly. That I'm somehow just shuffling through, doing the dishes, swiffering the floor, answering email...and not doing what I am called to do. I could be doing more. I should be doing more.

And that bugs me. When am I going to live that bold life? By questioning what more I could give and what more I could learn FROM life, and wanting that, does that somehow mitigate what I already have? Does it somehow make me ungrateful?

My friend and former pastor frequently asks, "Do you ponder and pray about what God is calling you to do with your “one wild and precious” life?"

I think about that a lot. I just don't have any answers yet.

The Summer Day
Mary Oliver
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

Pics of Lovebugs

My in-laws visited in March. We had a blast- right up until the point where my father in law got ill!

Here are some of the amazing shots he got. He took about 120 and I want to buy them all!! :)




A nice one of Bill, Linda and Seren:


Fun at Valley Forge:

Random Shapsnots for the Baby book pages

It is Monday. We had a busy weekend but it was one of those weekends that was just a whole bunch of things thrown together. Kinda like this post will be. I want to write a few things down before I forget.

* I found a huge tick in Seren's hair on the 9th. GROSS! We managed to not freak out. She didn't even know there was a blood sucking bug in her scalp. We just said that was a wood chip "pricker" that we needed to get out. We saved the tick and called the doc. We have to wait at least 6 weeks for symptoms. Should be ok, I think because the tick was large (i.e. not likely to carry Lyme's) and we got it out. GROSS

* We think Wyeth has a major strawberry allergy. The boys' cheeks! It started on Easter when he had about 20 'strawberry puffs'. He doesn't eat puffs too much any more but we had a whole container and filled his Easter eggs with them. That night his face broke out into hives. We actually chalked it up to sunscreen. But then when we were in DC we gave him strawberry yogurt (which he had before) and his face went nuts again. It STILL isn't right a whole week later.

*We are down to two bottles a day but it should be just one. And it is still formula! This is bad. It is just out of OUR habit. He drinks milk from a sippy cup but not that much milk. First step will be just to drink warm milk out of a bottle. Then cold milk and then no bottle. I honestly don't think it will be that big of a transition- WE just have to remember to do it! (Do you ever find yourself in ruts and forget that your children have to ya know...transition??)

* Seren is still wetting her pull ups. Every night. Been a year since she was trained. Whatever.

* Seren at (nearly) 4 is no longer wearing a bib. Whew.

* She is still napping every day but the consequences of the nap varies. If she doesn't take a long nap, she can get manic. If she skips the nap, she is beside herself. If she sleeps for the allotted two hours, she doesn't go down until 8:45 or 9. She clearly still needs some sort of nap but I don't know how to manage it. The latest thought is to limit it to 1 hour??

* I want to record Seren's bed routine which has been like this for well over a year. This is her routine with ME. She picks 2 books from our 'library' which I set up on the table. Then we read in the rocking chair. After the two books, she picks one more book out which we read while snuggling in bed. Then I sing 5 songs in the following order. I really only sing one verse. "The answer is blowing in the Wind." (known as wind), "Dido's Life for Rent which we calls 'The funny song'", "Momma's going to buy you a mocking bird", (known as 'bird'), "Rainbow Connection" (known as rainbow) and finally "Ice Cream" by Sarah McLaughlin. (Known as ice cream). Then it is sips of milk. Then I blow her 7 kisses and she goes to sleep. The routine is down pat. And LONG. But just try varying it! Just try!

* Seren has started to ride her bike. With the training wheels. She is very tentative but is getting there. We had 'alone time with Mommy' after a rough, rough Saturday during the day. So on Saturday night we drove to a nice flat parking lot and let her have at it. Very fun!

* Wyeth is learning to dance. A bit. More of a 'bop' but that counts.

* Wyeth continues to be very physical. Climbing up and down on the play structures at parks. He does the slides by himself thank you very much. Seren still wigs out on slides.

* Wyeth turned 16 months this month and it is the first month that he hasn't nursed at all. Same was true for the second half of his 15th month. I suppose that chapter is permanently closed.

* Wyeth is still a mommy's boy. He wouldn't let me put him down all yesterday afternoon. Between a bad cold, a new tooth and his allergy face. Up-up is where he wanted to be.

* Wyeth likes reading books. Not as much as Seren does but he likes the pages and pointing to things in the books. He particularly likes ANY picture of a cat. And LOVES our cat. Just loves the poor 10 year old kitty.

* Wyeth does pretty much whatever Seren does. Our most favorite daily activity is taking our dolls for walks. Wyeth pushes his doll. Seren pushes hers. And if Seren takes her baby out and hugs the baby, Wyeth will take his out and hug it. He mirrors her activity to a T. So funny. We take a walk almost every night but do I have a picture of this? Nope.

* Wyeth puts himself to sleep every night. We rock and sing and then lay him in his crib, blow kisses and leave. We (Sam) still puts him down for nap 100% asleep. I psychically can't do this anymore as he is heavy and heavier still sound asleep. But since I only do naps on the weekends, I try my best. We hope to start putting him down awake soon! Wy guy goes to bed around 8:15, is up around 6:30 and naps between 2-4 ish. Sometimes not the full two hours. And if he finds himself in a car around 11, he'll pass out for 15-20 minutes. Largely he is a one nap guy.

* If you actually read all of this- thanks! :)

Memory Lane: April 14, 2006

The mind has an amazing ability to distinctly remember moments. Moments of intense pain, joy or sorrow are etched into our memories. Smells, emotions, physical reactions all come back to us when we think about these memories.

April 14, 2006 is one of those days for me.

I was a graduate student at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. It was one of the first spring days after a LONG winter. The sun was out. The trees were blooming. It was WARM! And I was very pregnant with my first baby. Completely unaware of all of the changes that were to come before me. And completely unprepared for the hugeness of the responsibility that was to fall to Sam and I.

I had spent the day in class. It was a long week of papers, studying and reading. I had a seminar early in the day which required me to do a lot of group work. I felt beautiful because a colleague of mine had complimented me on my large, swollen size. And I was wearing a new light blue tshirt that my mom had purchased for me. I had a slight, slight, tinge of blood earlier in the day which I initially brushed off. I went home after class and started studying. Sam was doing the taxes- due the next day- and I was puttering. When I used the restroom again, again that slight bit of blood.

Sam and I had decided to use one of our coupons and go out for dinner. When I told him about the blood, we called the doctor and headed over to the hospital just to be sure everything was fine. I had a 100% normal pregnancy so far. I chalked it up to the warm weather, dehydration and...?

We checked in to the labor and delivery ward which we had visited just 5 days before. I was just shy of 32 weeks pregnant. My baby girl wasn't due until June 10th. It was April.

So we were not too worried.

Neither were the doctors. They said that all day they had seen many dehydrated pregnant moms due to the warm weather. They said, "We'll just hook you up, do an internal exam and then you guys can go get your Chinese food."

Yeah! But we forgot the coupon. So we started to think about how long it might take to get the coupon back at our house. I was only worried about when I would eat next as I was getting really hungry. No worries.

But then we got worried. Very worried.

The ob in training kept running back and forth from me to her computer. "You don't feel any of these contractions? Really!?"

And she would run off. I didn't feel a thing.

Then another intern said that she would do a quick internal. It was my first of those 'fun' exams and I thought the woman was trying to reach my tonsils. It was very painful.

And her face said a lot. "Hmm. I think she is at 3."

3?? As in dilated!?

At that point, it all moved really quickly. The head doc did another exam, looked me straight in the eye and said, "You aren't moving anywhere."

ADMIT!

My mind filled with about 1001 questions at once. Would we loose the baby? I can't have the baby tonight! I only have been to one class! And I didn't read the labor chapter yet! And more seriously, my god, why is this happening? What did I do wrong? Would she be ok?? I could taste the fear in my mouth.

It has been the only time in my life where I saw my husband pray and cry at the same time. I am the praying one. I'm always asking God for things. Sam doesn't. That is my role. But at that moment, on the edge of feeling very scared about bringing a not ready baby into the world, we called on all of the Higher Powers. And it worked!

That night was a LONG night of contractions and interventions. I was placed on magnesium sulfate which makes you super hot but slows everything else down. I was given a catheter and was monitored through the night. I don't think I'll ever forget Sam leaning on the bedrails of my bed in the labor and delivery ward. His face illuminated by the monitors and he stared at the screen- willing our little girl to stay in. I was in and out of sleep as exhaustion and the medication took over. But he was right there.



At one point, we were told that things looked stable. We were too nervous to do much else but worry. So Sam and I decided that he should go home to pick up a few things. We lived about 8 minutes away from the hospital. So he kissed me and drove home quickly.

The OB returned to my bedside and freaked out that my husband wasn't there. He handed me his personal cell phone, "Call him. Get him back. Now."

I think that the nursing staff did such a good job of reassuring us that we felt ok to let down our guard for a few minutes. That doctor's instructions snapped me back to reality.

We had called both sets of parents that Friday night. And by Sunday, Easter Sunday, we all were together. My parents flew immediately to us and Sam's parents drove in from Michigan at the same time. I had worried that Sam and I didn't have any Easter plans- but we ended up having the whole family together for Easter dinner! In the hospital!



The two plus weeks that followed in the hospital were FULL of back and forths. Back and forth from the antepartum floor (full of stressed our pregnant women with high risk pregnancies) and the labor and delivery floor. Every time the contractions would start, I'd be monitored and additionally medicated. And if they broke through the medication, I'd go back to L and D. I was allowed one 30 minute wheelchair ride a day. And after a few days was allowed to shower sitting down. It was a really stressful 17 nights in the hospital. Full of tears and anxieties. Visits from concerned friends. Flowers. Conversations with NICU doctors that I never dreamed about having. "Stressful" is an understatement and those days are full of thier own crystal clear memories. But those are fodder for another post.

Here we are celebrating week 33!




Let's just say that every year on April 14th I think about how it could have been Seren's birthday and every year I'm grateful that she decided to join us in May. It wasn't as close to June 10th as we would have liked but she came when she was meant to come: May 4th, 2006.

And one of the key lessons that I learned in the hospital is this: Every day matters. For a women pregnant with a baby who is coming too soon, every single day that the baby is inside matters. Every day.

How are you going to make today 'matter'?

Weekend with the Hahn Family

The internet can be a very cool place. Two and a half years ago (?) I started reading blogs and through that experience met Beth and her family. Beth and I met before a while ago.

So while we met, we decided to tempt fate and have all of our family meet. (What would be the odds that no one was sick?!) But it worked out! What a ride! We had a blast!

We left our home in PA around 10:30 and pulled into her drive way around 2 on a gorgeous Friday afternoon. We tried to do nap for the kids. Wyeth slept but Seren's eyes were as wide as saucers looking at all of the toys. We rested a bit until they came home around 5:15 with big pizzas. In between we played on the community playground. Seren said to me, "Can you imagine mom? Having a playground right near your house!!?" Awesome!

Beth is so gracious and fun. It is the weirdest thing to email with someone everyday and read about their lives and then actually meet them. I always forget that she is from the south (email doesn't have a 'tone') and by the end of the weekend I found myself using 'ya'll' in almost every sentence. She is laid back and warm- just a genuine person. And she is an amazing mom. (But I already knew that.)

They have the cutest family. First there is upbeat William. Oh my gosh. He waved at us for a good 2-3 minutes when we arrived. And if you ask William how he is, he would say things like, "I'm GREAT!". (Like Tony the tiger!) William, like Seren, loved to chat about things. At one point both four year olds were hysterical thinking of things that could come out of their ears. "I have a noddle ear!" HA-HA-HA "Oh yeah, I have a plant coming out of my ear!" HA-HA-HA. And on and on.

Keep in mind that these four kids never have really met before. (Ok, William and Seren met when they were 20 months old but that doesn't really count.). And William and Seth were AMAZING about sharing their toys. Seren would not have been that laid back if she came home from school and two other kids were messing with her 'stuff'. The kids, just like their parents, welcomed us with open arms. I was really impressed by how well they all got along. Wyeth was definitely the little man with all of the big kids but held his own.

Saturday we packed up the team early and headed to the National Cherry Blossom Parade! I found myself SO excited to see marching bands, big Elmo balloons and the floats, etc. We got there early to get a seat on the curb.



Seth and Wyeth felt that the landscaping around the parade wasn't well done so they took it upon themselves to help out. Dirt removal and dirt moving was a big hit.



And Seth! Oh my gosh, what a love bug. He had so many fun things to say. And he was an excellent cuddlebug. And both kids were so polite. I made many a mental note about continuing our please and thank yous. Seren goes through phases of it but isn't consistent. We work on it daily but the more I want her to say or do something, the less she wants to do it. Grr! Seth is hysterical. He knows a lot of music and will just sing along.

The parade was a hit! They weren't too antsy at all. All four loved it when there was something to see but as is the case with most parades, there is a lag between groups. We then had to herd the cats a bit. We didn't stay for the whole thing but got a good share of the parade. Then we rode a carousel! Then we had a picnic lunch in a green park before packing back up in the minivan, listening to some tunes and headed back home. All 8 of us in one car- what a riot. After nap, we all just hung out in the back patio, we played in the sandbox and Beth grilled up some amazing chicken. Wine, brie and great conversation rounded up the Saturday night. I also had the pleasure of reading to three of the four kids before we all went to bed. (Seth was already asleep).

Ed and Sam are quite similar- both a bit reserved and both funny. We actually have a lot in common. We talked about 'adult' things like quality of schools, home purchases, etc. in the evening. Again, they are both so warm and welcoming. We hope we can return the favor of welcoming them to our home later this summer.

Sunday morning Beth made amazing homemade waffles. Yum. However, it seemed as if the weekend all together was wearing on the kids. Seren started screaming and getting really ornery. A 'proud' moment for me came when she yelled, "I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!". Hmm. Yeah right. So we rolled up the team, attempted group photos, (which I hope are on Beth's blog since I got a grand total of 8 pics before my camera batteries died), cleaned up as best we could and hit the road. Seren who really had a good time playing the whole weekend, did not want to leave. She felt better when I told her that William and Seth might come to our house. And this morning at breakfast she mentioned it again.

The ride home was easy. Sam and I found a great state park in Delaware on the way home and let the kids run, run, run while we enjoyed a picnic lunch. It was another amazing day and spending time as a family felt good too.

Just what the doctor ordered- a day off from work, time with my family, time with good friends and sunshine. Perfect.

A BIG thank you to Beth and her family for making it all happen. Let's do it again some time soon! We had a wonderful, awesome time!

(I wonder how our two versions of the weekend will be similiar or different...and I feel strangely vulnerable about reading her take on our family. I try to keep it 'real' on my blog but of course I include the cute stuff and some of the not so cute stuff doesn't make it in! Blogging about your life and actually being with us are two different things! :))

Regardless, we were very grateful for the lovely time!

**Edited: For GOOD pictures, click to Beth's review.**

Tomorrow is a New Day

Tonight was horrible!! After an amazing weekend of sun and fun, tonight was NOT a stellar parenting night. UGH!

The family joined me for lunch at work which made my week! It was so fun to sit outside and munch with my favorite people.

Sam reported that they both slept well in the afternoon and that everyone was in an amazing mood.

But I walked in at 5:30 and from that moment on, it sucked.

(Sorry Mom, I know you hate the word 'sucked' and suggest that I use the word 'stinks' as it 'it stinks' but seriously? Tonight was just sucky).

Wyeth had a fit and fell in it tonight. He had his first FULL blown tantrum. (A milestone! 16 months yesterday!) He couldn't calm down. He was throwing food off his tray. He had snot running out of his nose, drool cascading down his face due to new teeth that have bugged him all week and was just a mess of tears. I had to take him away from the table and take him outside to calm him down. We managed to get him back to the table but he didn't eat much.

Seren was quiet.

Dinner 'ended' and we all decided to take a family walk. But Wyeth likes to walk up the street. And then down. And then get in his cozy coupe. And then get out. Which is fine and good and a good time. But there is an older sister who would really like to GO please!! Around the block! With gusto!!

Our backyard was our safe haven until a backhoe dug up our sewer this winter. We knew it would be bad but we didn't think we wouldn't be able to play back there. We can't. It is just a mud pit that used to resemble our backyard. So...the front yard it is. Which, again, is fine, if you don't have two toddlers going in opposite directions, at different paces.

So Wyeth was fine but Seren? SHE. MELTED.DOWN. Oh! She took off running down the block ignoring flat out my lame ass cries of "RED LIGHT!!!"

It was mortifying to me. Not only is it not safe but seeing a mother yelling and sprinting after her near four year old is pretty much a neon sign of "ineffective parent". It is not pretty. It isn't good for digestion. All I could think of was our neighbors in their quiet homes drinking wine while the Angus family is out screaming and crying. I can just hear it now, Bobby Sue looks at Thomas over a glass of wine and says, "Geez, the neighbor is going to hell in a handbasket."

So Seren ran away from me not once but TWICE. That is TWO sprints down the street.

We got her inside and gave her a timeout. Cue the screams.

We regrouped post bath and everyone went to bed ok. Seren is still taking good naps (2hours) but this means that sometimes she goes to bed at 8;45 and still wakes up at 6. Just a LONG ass night for us when she is up requesting things like cold milk, baa-baa the stuffed sheep and anything else she can think of.

Blah. What a night! To top it off I paid bills. Or, some of the bills. The great news is that Sam got his part time teaching job back! Yeah! So that is wonderful. This will all work out.

Just a long night.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Easter 2010

We had an amazing weekend as a family this weekend! The sun was out! Everyone was mostly healthy, I didn't work and the kids were excited for the holiday. We didn't take them to see the bunny this year despite our attempts. We just couldn't find the energy in us and Seren didn't really get into it that much. But they were excited to find the baskets that the Easter Bunny hid (does 'your' Bunny hide the baskets?) and talk about the eggs.

We had an early egg hunt on Sunday morning but not TOO early because despite the fact that our family typically gets up around 6, our neighbors do not. So we let them look for eggs at 10 and what do you know the first egg Seren sees she SCREAMS "I FOUND AN EGG!"

That is how we roll in our house. LOUD.

My Uncle and Aunt arrived at 12 for a loud but delicious Easter lunch complete with yummy wine, salmon and other yummy things. It was so kind of them to drive up from the DC area and everyone enjoyed just being together.

We called both sets of grandparents to sing "Little Bunny Foo-foo" (which is just an odd song- at least Seren's version is odd) and say Happy Easter.

I tried, oh I tried, to get a shot of both toddlers smiling together. I failed, failed, failed but at least the sun was shining and everyone had fun. (Even if the posed pictures say otherwise.)

Easter egg dying, egg hunts, bunnies hiding baskets, time with family= Happy.

You guys helped with Hair...What about Fashion?

Yesterday's post really got me thinking about Seren's hair. I got several emails and had several conversations yesterday--mostly from women with curly hair reliving thier hair nightmares!

It made me take this a bit more seriously! Last night I took Laura's advice and put Seren's hair in a loose braid. I called it a "hair trick". Seren asked me this morning, "Mom! Did you think it worked?"

"Do I think what worked, kiddo?"

"The hair trick!? Do you think it will be knotty!?"

:)

So I am going to start "Operation Hair." The advice I got made me realize I shouldn't just dismiss this as 3 year old girl drama. (There has got to be SOME of that, though, right?). I think most days we are ok with how it looks but now I am on the look out for products and hair things that will make it easier on us both.

So you addressed hair...what about fashion??




(This is actually 'silly day' at school for April Fools Day so she and Sam came up with the wacky, wacky outfit).

In other 'news', Wyeth has 102 fever and a bad cold. Poor bubby. After 3 weeks of putting himself to sleep at night, he couldn't fall asleep last night. Sam rescued him at 9 pm, put him down asleep and the poor guy woke up at 5 with a high fever. We'll see how this progresses. The whole family was going to come to the office today for Lunch with Mommy- silly clothes and all but I doubt that is going to happen. Bummer