She is really ours, isn't she?

At 18 months old, you'd think I'd be over the "wow, that is our daughter phase." But honestly, I'm not. I just sit there sometimes and marvel at her. How the heck did we DO that? And we are the parents? What an amazing responsibility and joy.

This realization has hit me at different times in this journey for different reasons. At first, I was terrified. I cried when the NICU called to say we could take her home. This was it! This was the big moment! We were allowed to 'parent' without nurses, cords, beeping machines. I cried and then went into complete anxious mode. Oh my goodness! WE were the parents! Were we ready for this?!

Then there were a few months of "wow, so this is our new life?" Where did 'we' fit into that picture? Where did "Megan" go? What did it mean to have this new 'title' of Mom? What did it mean if sometimes I felt sad that my 'old' life seemed so far away? Did it mean I was a bad mom if I missed coffee with friends and hiking with my husband? Or is that just 'healthy' to still have a sense of 'self' after months of being a walking burp cloth.

At this point, I think I have worked through much of the new identity stuff. I am her mom. And I like it. That being said, we, as parents, don't allow ourselves to really delve into those ideas as much as I think we should. Because there is a LOT tied up in parenting. (More on this later). So I have worked through that. But I still look at my daughter through an almost mystical, magical lens. We gave birth to her. It still strikes me as surreal. Where did she come from, this little person? We have been blessed by her. She brings us such amazing joy! She reminds me that life is really precious and to try not to sweat the small stuff. She reminds me to love, love, love.

She is really ours, isn't she?

I'm including this picture of Seren looking at the sky as a fall leaf falls. It looks like she too is contemplating some of life's amazing mysteries.