Friday, November 30, 2007


We have a new word in our household. A word, that for me, symbolizes how closely our daughter connects my husband and I. Damum is the word given to both Sam and I. Dad and Mom. We get called this only when standing together. Or if she sees a picture of the two of us. "Damum!" Most of the time, when we are apart or she wants to tell only one of us something, we get called by the more traditional names of Mama and Dada. But how cool is it to be called a unit? "Damum!"

I think all couples struggle with the 'adjustment' that is parenthood. Adjustment is the biggest mis-nomer! And we have had our fair share of tiffs and arguments as to the "best" thing to do for her. But without a doubt, Sam and I are partners in this thing called life and this new adventure of parenting.

When we got married, I really resisted the whole notion of "the two should become one." For that reason, we opposed the unity candle and other references to "oneness" in our vows. We didn't feel that we should forget who we are as individuals just because we were getting married. We wanted to remain true to ourselves as individual beings. I would still be Megan and Sam would still be Sam but as a married couple, we'd be "Sam and Megan". I shuddered at the thought of unhealthy "co-dependent" lives. Who wants that? But as the years have gone by, we realize that being co-dependent is actually a good thing in marriage. You need to depend on the other person! That is one of the perks! When one is down, the other is up. And vice versa. We ARE a family unit. Yes, we still bring our own strengths to the relationship. And yes we still have our own thoughts and dreams but as a family, we are so much more invested in the other person's happiness.

So, after five years of marriage, I can say that I am happy to be in a partnership where I need my husband. I miss him when he isn't around! I depend on him, to some degree, to keep me laughing, calm and on an even keel. It is perhaps this close partnership that Seren also recognizes.

After all, according to her, we are most definitely a unit of one. Damum.


LauraC said...

I love reading your blog because I know EXACTLY what you mean! I was so determined to be independent and be my own self, but as soon as bed rest hit, I realized how much we had to be a team to be parents. I really do depend on Jon, as much as I hate to admit it some days. And he would be totally lost without me, of course :)

Beth said...

What a nice tribute to marriage! And so true. I hate to admit that DH and I have actually struggled somewhat to pull together as a team this first time around. As William has gotten older, though, we seem to have found the same page, and have come to appreciate each other so much more. I know how to be a better partner now with baby number 2--that's for sure! Thanks for the great post.