When do we do those "other" things?

In Berkeley, I was very involved in many community organizations. I spent a lot of time working with my church and working with Habitat for Humanity. At one point, I had 9 weekly obligations to groups of people. I felt overwhelmed by the responsibility of this but also felt that my life was very rich. I spent time leading youth group, time leading a women's group, time knitting, time with elders, time working with Habitat for Humanity. These organizations helped me define myself. It was and is a big part of who I am. I was able to live out my life's values in meaningful ways.

Motherhood, I fear, has changed that.

I remember asking my good friend Andy, after she had her daughter, "When do we get to do other things?" She responded that it would take years. Maybe when they were grown. That we just need to focus on them right now. And later, we'd do the "other things."

This answer didn't sit well with me. And it still doesn't. I really wrestle with it. I agree that we need to focus on kids now. Currently, I work a 40 hour week and rush home, every day, to spend time with my daughter and husband. THAT is important to me. I don't want to go to "Committee" meetings if it means less time with my family. That isn't a trade I'd like to make.

But.

But the reality is that I still miss that life. I don't like that my current life is so...insular. So self focused. There are still young kids that could use an adult in their lives, there are still many families who need housing. None of that has changed. And yet, I can't find a way to live out that part of my life. I have tried to find a faith community. I have even taken the Habitat for Humanity training here in NJ. But I can't seem to dive in. It is a matter of time. Logistics. Guilt.

And so I basically work and then play at home. I don't do church, I don't knit. I don't build homes or create opportunities for women (of all ages) to connect.

I have seen women solely defined by their children and their children's accomplishments. And I can see how this can happen! Children are so life consuming. They are wonderful! They provide so much joy! But how does one be a "good mom" while holding that in tension with wanting to be a "good woman" and focusing both on herself and the broader world?

I guess there are two tensions here that I wrestle with. One is finding time to take care of ME. (Which is a different post). The other, is really finding time to take care of my corner of the world.

Some would argue that our children are our greatest gifts to the broader society. I can certainly see that point of view. That by doing well by them, listening to them, encouraging them, caring for them, playing with them, we are doing our part to change the world we live in. And maybe that is where I need to "be" for a while. But I can see that by focusing so much on "my family", I could forget how to "do" the other things. Or that I won't see value in them. And since doing those other things is really taking care of myself at the same time, I worry that I will lose part of "me" in post-poning it "until she is grown."

In time, perhaps Seren can join me on a building site. Or, if she wants, we can tutor kids together. But in the meantime, I struggle with how to hold my commitments to my family with my commitments to my social justice self. I think being someone who focuses on social justice issues will make me a better mother in the long run. But for now, I still see it as a tension and a struggle. Either one or the other. Afterall, there are only so many hours in the day.

Thoughts?

I just want to be a tree-hugger again. :)