This past week has brought back the nausea that I thought I had kicked. And the fatigue that I was holding at bay seems to be right at my heels. So my first thought this morning as I opened my eyes was "27!" But shortly thereafter, on my drive to work, I realized I am scared to death. I am so incredibly scared of everything- of the changes, of the work that needs to get done both at our house and at the office, of the chance of pre-term labor, of the new little life and who he will be. I don't want to sound ungrateful but I am feeling both the need to just go into a hole and sleep and the need to be around people for comfort.
It is hard not to approach the end of the pregnancy and not think about our experiences last time. Both the good memories and the hard memories. Most likely I'll make it to 36 or 37 weeks without a problem but gosh, the challenges of preterm labor at 31 weeks and the emotional challenges that we faced following it are hard to shake. I guess that despite my best efforts to "process" all that happened nearly two and a half years ago, I still have some work to do. It is only natural that as we get closer to December, I'll be thinking about all of it again. (I realize as I type this that other women have experienced MUCH worse with far worse outcomes. My heart goes out to those women and I feel shallow mentioning my experiences.)
This week also marks the half way point of getting my progesterone shots. The past few have continued to hurt. And now I have a patch of skin on my rear where multiple injections have incurred. It is itchy and a bit bruised. So, 10 shots down, 10 to go!
This weekend, we have no firm plans. That should be good. The rest of September is pretty much booked with out of town visitors so I'm looking forward to a little unstructured time. Happy Friday!
The picture below is from week 24. I've grown a lot since!!
1 comment:
Ok, first of all you are not shallow!! Your experiences with Seren sound really scary and you realize how lucky you are that everything turned out okay. It is totally understandable that you feel the same trepidation with the second pregnancy. Hang in there, I am sure everything will be different this time.
Boo to nausea! It sucks and its not fair you have it at 27 weeks. yuck!
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