34w 5 days

Today is an important milestone for me! As of this morning, I am more pregnant than I have ever been! Yahoo!

Seren arrived at 34w5days and that number has been burned into my head for the past 2 and a half years. Part of what comes with having a preemie is completely unjustified guilt. When she has childhood asthma, I blame myself for giving birth early. When she isn't feeling well? It is somehow my "fault" for giving birth early. I think this is ridiculous and it makes no logical sense but it how I think about it. Plenty of "full term" kids have asthma and plenty of preemies don't. I *know* this.


When people have second and third children, they always says, "Oh with the first one, I always knew exactly what week of pregnancy I was in. With the others, I had no idea!" I have to say that I have been VERY aware of what week I am in at all times during this pregnancy.

And every doctor or nurse that you talk to asks, "When did you give birth last time? How long was she in the NIC?" So the answer of 34.5 has come up frequently during this pregnancy.

So this is a HUGE milestone for me! I am so blessed to have made it this far considering that "threatened" labor started at week 28!

My freedom from bedrest is on Friday the 7th. I can't believe it! I can't believe I have been on this futon for a total of 8 weeks (assuming all goes well). I have missed my daughter, missed my husband, missed my friends. But it is going to be worth it!

One more week of bed rest! One more shot in the tush! That brings the grand total to 20 shots of progesterone, two steroid shots, two shots of terb and one flu shot. (ok, that last one doesn't count) :) But who is counting, right?

And then the BIG question is, "When will he arrive?" I sometimes look to the Internet for "answers" to these unanswerable questions. I just have to be patient and wait on God's time. As far as I know, I am less dilated than I was but my contractions have been stronger and more persistent than with Seren.

I don't think I'm "ready" yet for the baby. (Is anyone?) But I am DAMN ready to get off this couch. I am getting irritable and crabby the closer we get!

But WE did it! We are doing it! I am already anticipating kissing sweet toes and seeing a sweet gummy smile. And first giggles! Ok, maybe I *am* ready!