Friday, August 24, 2007

Learning to let go

I think everyone at some point in their lives has to learn to let go. Of an old fling, of a dream, of a loved one, of a perception of themselves, the world. And all of us struggle with it.

I struggle with letting go of a lot of things. But mostly, I struggle with letting go of old friends. It is challenging because you remember the good times, the times of reconnecting, exploring, laughing. But people change. And you change. And the old doesn't always mesh with the new. I am a fircely loyal friend- most would say that about me. I remember birthdays, offer prayers, offer to help out. At least that is how I like to think of myself. I have high expectations of myself as a friend. So saying goodbye is really hard for me to do. My mother always tells me that people change. "Yeah, I know...but...."

And so I am struggling to say a final goodbye to a friend who I've known of for a long time but really only was good, deep friends with for a short amount of time. Since then my attempts to reach out, connect, write, call have all been ignored. The message has been sent. She doesn't need me/want me in her life. It is just that rejection that hurts. It also hurts because I know she is CAPABLE of more...capable of returning my phone calls, etc.

They say when you are ready for a final goodbye, you don't feel blame or hurt or want the other person to understand why you are hurt. You just have to be able to walk away.

I am trying to walk away. And say goodbye....

Did I mention I'm bad at letting friendships go?

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