What is wrong with me? I have such guilt- at all times for all things- most of these things are totally ridiculous!
So I went for a massage Friday night. I was so excited! But for about 1/4 of the time, I was lying there, trying to relax and worrying about everything! I ruined my massage by stressing myself out!
Then, today, I was super excited to see my friend and get a pedicure. Talk about a weekend of luxuries! But could I relax and enjoy? Not at first. I was like a hot cake- nervous with excitement.
I literally can't relax due to an overwhelming feeling of guilt- that I don't deserve something, that I am imposing on my parents, my husband, that I should be spending more time with my daughter. It is an all consuming thing for me. And it stinks.
But, I really did have friend seeing my good friend, U. And my parents were wonderful with Seren. And my husband had a blast on his own- pulling up carpet. It is just me. Me who forgets how to enjoy life and is driven by an internal to do list and a sense of guilt that is unlike anything I've experienced.
If a massage, a wonderful coffee with an old friend, free babysitting and a pedicure won't do it...I ask ya, what will?
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