Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Yesterday was the first day that it felt like spring. The feeling of wanting to open up the windows and breathe in the air. Deeply. We haven't had a rough winter- not more than 6 inches of snow fell. But we have been cooped up. Seren is still on her nebulizer treatments and everytime we do fewer than three treatments a day, her cough comes back. As a result, we really feel like we are ready for spring.
I got home from work yesterday and wasted no time getting ready to take a walk with Seren. She was ready. She wanted to wear her new vest, her new white shoes and got all ready to go. And we were off. Seren didn't leisurely walk. No sauntering for this one. Nope- a full out sprint! She held tight to my hand and sprinted down the hill of our street. She was laughing, her pigtails bouncing up and down and she giggled and ran around the block. Her behavior modeled exactly how I felt- FREE! I ran along side her. Stopping only to catch our breath, laugh at each other and keep on running. The more noise our feet made, the better.
I know that there will be a day soon where she won't want to hold my hand so tightly. Or that she won't be so willing to spend time with me. I am cherishing these moments- and holding them tightly to my heart.
Seren turned 22 months yesterday. The closer we get to her turning two, the more emotional I seem to get! It isn't that I want to hold on to the "baby days" because those days were rough in a different way. It is the fact that I can't believe that she'll be two. She walks and talks. And tells me stories. And laughs about "jokes" that we make. She isn't a helpless infant anymore. She LOVES life. And finds so much humor in everything. She is a "big girl" (which she'll tell you if you ask her).
Two years!? I've been a mom that long?! Some days, I can't remember our lives without her. I'm a pro at this mom stuff! I make my child laugh. We are partners in parenting. And I love, love, love being a mom and seeing her little face. Other days, I feel like I have been faking it all along. Being a parent to a toddler can make you feel like you are the worst parent. It is exhausting negotiating. Just so many ups and downs- sometimes within a 30 minute timeframe!
Today I find myself thinking back to two springs ago- when we waited eagerly to become parents. Our drama surrounding her birth hadn't yet begun. We hadn't moved to PA. I hadn't finished my degree. I didn't work full time. Our lives, in many ways were just so different. Spring always holds the promise of new life, new beginnings. Having a baby born in early May will forever make me think of all of the change that spring can bring.